Male Strippers and Triple-Wide Trailers (in no particular order)

Today, ladies and gentlemen, is not a slow day in news. Lucky for you, I have picked out the most important events of the day so that you will be in the know.

Mike Huckabee dropped out of the presidential race. Of course, no one is surprised, and many people are wondering why the heck he didn't drop out earlier. I still can't help but be saddened by this news. I actually had planned on voting for him. Not only because I agree with him on virtually every issue he's ever discussed, but also because Mike is such a ridiculously cool guy. The man plays the guitar in a rock band. When he was Governor of Arkansas, he lived in a trailer for a year. The trailer sat in the backyard of the Governor's Mansion while the mansion underwent renovation. Name me another high-ranking politician who would voluntarily live in a backyard trailer. Chuck Norris endorsed him. Need I continue? Shame on you, all those states who didn't vote for Huckabee. You just missed your shot at Chuck-Norris-hosted trailer keggers on the White House lawn. But, on a serious note, I really am bummed that the primaries turned out this way. Mike for VP!

Brett Favre has finally decided to retire. I will miss him significantly less than I will miss Mike Huckabee. I'm not trying to insult Favre because I'm sure he is a good guy. I am also sure that he only played last season so that he could break Dan Marino's records. As an avid fan of Marino and the Miami Dolphins, I have one thing to say to you, Brett Favre: Thanks for breaking my heart, old man. You should have retired two years ago.

And last, but certainly not least, David Hernandez of "American Idol" is a male stripper. Suddenly the leotard comment last week makes perfect sense to me. I am so amused by this news. It bothered me, however, that there was talk of dropping him from the competition because of his previous job. Hello, everyone, stripping is not illegal. The man needed to make a living, and if shaking his tush pays the bills, then so be it. Or he could have just applied at Wendy's. Either way, he is staying in the competition, and I really hope Simon makes a snide comment about this after his next performance.